It’s 3:00 a.m. in our home, and if you listen closely, you can hear the whirring sound of pumping, with me attached to an electric breast pump. It may be the dead of the night, but a special hormone known as prolactin is at its highest levels in the early morning hours. All of this translates to the optimal time to extract breastmilk for my son, Max. My breastfeeding journey didn’t originally envision exclusive pumping, but it’s the happy medium that works for my baby and me.
As a first-time mom, I devoured books on child rearing from birthing and parenting to childcare in general. Multiple books, articles, family and friends, and so on harped on the benefits of breastfeeding. So, when our sweet baby boy, Max, made his debut last November, I fully anticipated breastfeeding. I figured breastfeeding is a natural process Mother Nature has provided women to feed their babies, so it shouldn’t be too difficult. Much to my shock and dismay, Max was crying and so was I during many of our breastfeeding sessions. He wasn’t getting milk as easily, and I was struggling with pain, fatigue, and feelings of frustration that our breastfeeding experience wasn’t happening as easily as I had anticipated.
I was determined to not give up on my breastfeeding journey, so I continued my due diligence. I consulted doctors, lactation specialists (specialists in breastfeeding), books and scoured the internet for articles and blogs on breastfeeding. I also turned to other mothers, seeking advice on how to have better breastfeeding experiences. People were incredibly supportive and encouraged me to continue breastfeeding. However, my breastfeeding sessions were not getting any better. Max was not full after our feedings which made him seem like a constant hangry baby. Meanwhile, he wasn’t the only frustrated participant; I was having awful nipple pain coupled with engorgement because I couldn’t fully empty milk from my breasts. After an emotional meeting with the lactation consultant, we decided that it would be best to try supplementing Max’s feedings with formula in addition to breastfeeding, since it was important he receive nutrition and food as a growing new baby.
I remember the sense of relief and guilt when I started giving Max formula. I felt the societal pressure that a “good mom” feeds her baby the revered liquid gold, breast milk. I felt some judgment from others when asked if I breastfed Max and explained that I had to supplement his feedings with formula. To be clear, there is absolutely nothing wrong with formula since it provides nutrition and promotes babies’ healthy growth. It also helps people like me who may struggle with breastfeeding or choose to not breastfeed for whatever reason. I hadn’t ever really experienced “mom shaming.” But, when you couple the judgement I was feeling with postpartum hormones and fatigue, you’ll probably find an emotional mama crying just like I did.
Longing for a solution, I started vacillating between continuing to breastfeed or just going to formula since the current situation wasn’t working. Finally, one night, I came across an article discussing exclusive pumping. I hadn’t heard of exclusive pumping prior to having Max, but I felt more hopeful as I learned more about it. Exclusive pumping basically is an option mothers use to extract breastmilk by an electric or manual breast pump so that they can give their baby breast milk via bottle.
Exclusive pumping is a huge commitment because of the effort and time it requires. In addition to the constant feedings newborns have (every 2-3 hours), you also have to pump just as frequently to establish your breastmilk supply. In the beginning, you are pumping 10-12 times a day with sessions that last anywhere from 15-30 minutes. Due to the frequent pumping, you are constantly cleaning and sterilizing your pumping equipment parts and storing breast milk. All of this work is done in addition to regular tasks that accompany caring for a newborn, other family members, and of course yourself. Thankfully, my husband has been completely supportive and helpful in my exclusive pumping endeavors.
Fast forward to today. I have fully transitioned to exclusive pumping. Pumping is hard work, but it is also my labor of love that I’m grateful for: it allows me to give my son breastmilk. Though some days I mourn the nursing experience, the most important thing to me is that my baby is healthy and thriving! Some of the benefits I love about exclusive pumping are having my husband bond and help with feedings and being able to run errands or enjoy some free mommy time without worrying about my baby going hungry while away because milk is always readily available.
I really wish exclusive pumping were an option that health providers would’ve discussed more fully with me. This is why I decided to share my personal experience about exclusive pumping. Maybe some other mama is out there grappling with how to feed their baby as they’re struggling with nursing. Please know that there is another option you can consider to feed your baby beyond breastfeeding or formula: exclusive pumping. Whatever way you choose to feed your baby, just know that your baby loves you regardless.
My experience has reminded me that each mother’s journey is unique. It’s important not to allow societal pressure or stress to cause you to miss out on precious moments with your children. As a mother, no one knows your baby better than you do! I learned that it didn’t matter if Max was fed from the boob or a bottle, consumed breastmilk, formula, or a combination of both. Any of those options would take care of his physical needs, and he would grow up just fine. So, to all you mamas out there who are worrying about breastfeeding or bottle feeding, try to stress less and do whatever works best for you and your baby; trust your instincts; and most of all keep enjoying your precious, sweet babies!
